


I Am Machine

by MysteriousEntityIsHereToLoveYou



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, I Am Machine, Natasha-centric, Onesided Love, Other, Sad, Song - Freeform, Three Days Grace, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 10:56:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5045632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriousEntityIsHereToLoveYou/pseuds/MysteriousEntityIsHereToLoveYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In the end, she’s alone—in her own world, silent, crying, and wishing to be loved – She wonders—is this what it means to be in love?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Machine

 

Its been a long time since Natasha felt alive, felt human-- she was raised to kill-- raised to be a cold-blooded assasin. She was raised to be the perfect female predator-- the perfect Black Widow.

 

Here's to being human

All the pain and suffering

There's beauty in the bleeding

At least you feel something

 

She used to envy the girls she saw at parties where she was sent to spy on someone and on bad days; kill someone. She used to look at the girls, feel longing for a life; she never got to live, for a life she’ll never get to live. So full of innocent youth—so much in love

 

I wish I knew what it was like

To care enough to carry on

I wish I knew what it was like

To find a place where I belong,

 

And yet—they don’t know how fortunate they are, to love, to be held, to be protected. Natasha blinked these thoughts away; it was no use crying over spilt milk after all, she had work she needed to finish, her job was everything. Natasha made a promise – Fury says it was like she was in love with her job—She pondered what it meant to be in love.

 

Here's to being human

Taking it for granted

The highs and lows of living

To getting second chances

 

She didn’t know that love would take form into a being in the form of her partner—a very egoistical, loud and proud man, his name was Clint—he wanted to be called Hawkeye. A strange man, and yet—Natasha couldn’t help being attracted to him, his wit, his attitude; it was something different, a whole new world to her—is this what they call love?

 

I wish I knew what it was like

To care about what's right or wrong

I wish someone could help me find

Find a place where I belong,

 

But, it was all for naught – Your first broken heart, when he introduced you to another woman—a wonderful woman, meant for a man like himself. ‘It was too good to be true’ She had chuckled bitterly to herself as tears make it down her face; tears, she hasn’t cried in a long time. Is this what they call love?

 

I am machine

I never sleep

I keep my eyes wide open

I am machine

A part of me Wishes

I could just feel something

I am machine

I never sleep

Until I fix what's broken

I am machine

A part of me Wishes

I could just feel something

 

Who was she kidding? She was meant to be the perfect little assassin, almost like she was programmed to—there was nothing she could do. But sometimes, there are times at night, once a full moon—where she wishes again, but this time other than wishing to be a normal girl—she wishes for love to be requited. And she cries herself to sleep, knowing it’s never going to come true. She cries herself to sleep wondering if being in love needed to be this painful.

 

It wasn't supposed to be this way

We were meant to feel the pain

I don't like what I am becoming

Wish I could just feel something

 

 

But she wakes up, and as if mechanical, she does all of her tasks, cold, silent, quick – even with the gaping hole in her chest every time her partner turns to smile at her and see if she’s okay – sometimes, he teases “Are you sure you don’t want my help? I’m more than capable to tend your wounds” or “Need me to carry you Nat?”, but she shrugs him off—unfeeling, cold – broken. And even still – her heart pounds uncontrollably -- is this what it means to be in love?

 

 

I am machine

A part of me Wishes

I could just feel something

 

 

 

In the end, she’s alone—in her own world, silent, crying, and wishing to be loved – She wonders—is this what it means to be in love?

**Author's Note:**

> This is Natasha-centric and maybe Clintasha if ya squint—Onesided Clintasha
> 
> Song: I Am Machine  
> Artist: Three Days Grace


End file.
